It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood
by My 3 Dogs
Summary: Frasier and Niles disagree on what it means to be a dad.


**A/N: A short single, set some time in season 11, during Daphne's pregnancy. **

Their voices could be heard before the door to Frasier's apartment swung open. "For Heaven's sake, Niles, grow up. You're about to be a father!"

"Precisely, Frasier, the reason that I don't want to."

"Ah, jeez, what is it this time?" Martin looked wearily at his two sons, the older appearing exasperated and the younger looking as if he were up to something.

Frasier addressed his father, Daphne and Roz as he hung up his overcoat, "As we were pulling into the parking garage, this imbecile strikes me in the arm and yells, 'punch buggy, red!' I was so startled, I almost drove into a wall!"

"No you didn't. I was there."

"Well, I certainly could have if I didn't maintain such complete control of myself at all times", Frasier sniffed. "What was that all about, and what is a 'padiddle' anyway?"

Daphne smiled knowingly. "Niles has been practicing being a playmate for our baby." Niles beamed.

Frasier looked even more disgusted. "A playmate? Seriously Niles, what are you thinking?"

Niles was unfazed by Frasier's negativity. "As a family therapist, I have heard countless new parents and parents-to-be, mostly the fathers, terrified by the prospect of having to 'grow up'. They are suddenly faced with the reality of being responsible for another human life."

Martin was scowling. "So? You've been grown up and responsible since you were five!"

"Exactly! Do you think I was unaware that the other children didn't have posters of Giuseppe Verdi in their rooms? Or do stuffed-animal productions of The Pirates of Penzance? I did not relate to most kids and they certainly didn't relate to me. I don't know if our children will be like me, like Daphne, a little of both or something completely different, but I am going to relate to them as kids, not just small adults. So I'm learning to be one."

"You're learning to be a child. By doing what, exactly?" Frasier's condescending tone left no doubt of his opinion, even before he heard the explanation.

"By having fun. My children and I are going to make drip castles, blow bubbles and eat something called 'fish sticks'. I'm even trying to get past my dislike of insects so that we can enjoy picnics and catch fireflies." Niles was jubilant.

Roz scrunched up her face, but smiled. "That's adorable! I think. Or maybe it's just weird."

Stepping to her husband's side, Daphne said, "Oh Roz, it's not weird. Niles is just trying to be a good dad." She kissed him on the cheek. "Though he does get a little carried away sometimes. Last night I found him jumping on the bed, until he cracked his head on the ceiling fan. And the other day at lunch he blew a straw wrapper at me."

Martin rolled his eyes and shifted in his chair as Niles approached him. "Come on Dad, didn't you hope that one of us would be captain of something other than the debate team?"

"Sure...but that's not who you were," Martin said with a look of resignation. "That much was crystal clear!"

"And you tried to influence us, but you never tried to make us into something we weren't. You did your best to relate to us even when it was in complete opposition to your way of doing things."

"Okay, I get it. That 's kinda nice. Good job, son."

"Oh for God's sake, really? Daphne, you're all right with this?" Frasier blustered.

Roz jumped into the fray. "Of course she is, Frasier. Looks like you're the only one who has a problem. Come on, didn't you play goofy games with Freddy when he was little? Or were you too worried about looking undignified, even to a three-year-old?"

"Naturally I played games, but there was always a nugget of knowledge passed from father to son, a new appreciation of art to be gleaned..."

Niles looked down his nose at his brother. "Oh, I'm sure Freddy loves to regale his friends with tales of your rousing games of 'Josef Haydn-go-seek'." Frasier responded with a feigned look of injury. "Look, Frasier," Niles explained, "Daphne grew up in a...'rough-and-tumble' kind of family. She's perfectly fine wrestling down on the floor, getting dirty..."

"As evidenced by the condition she's in now."

Daphne laughed, "You're not too far off the mark there, Roz. Yesterday Niles arranged some chairs together and threw blankets over the top, then crawled inside. He said it was his castle. So I invaded his 'castle', conquered his defenses and dragged him off upstairs...to the tower!"

Niles grinned devilishly. "I was her prisoner."

Frasier couldn't stand it anymore. "Oh, please, enough of your adult-themed Romper Room. What's next, Niles, tying a towel around your neck and running around in your underwear pretending to be a superhero? Laughing yourself silly for loudly passing gas?"

Roz liked what Niles was trying to do but she couldn't resist messing with him. "So Niles, are you gonna be able to teach your kids to do a fade-away jumper or throw a screen pass?"

Niles glared at her. "Even if I knew what those were, the answer would be 'no'. But if any of our future children should play sports, I will take them to practice and be a supportive audience at their games. And I'm certain I will be suitably impressed if one of them executes a...'faded jumper' or 'scream pass' or whatever it was you said."

Frasier strolled over and poured himself a glass of sherry. He motioned towards his brother with the decanter. "Niles? Can I pour one for you? Or maybe you'd prefer a juice box."

Leaning forward in his chair, Martin looked towards his older son. "Come on, Frasier, cut your brother some slack. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to relate to his children. And if it takes him a little out of his comfort zone, then I say 'good for him'." He turned and grinned at Niles.

Later that night, after returning home, Daphne stretched out on the bed with her back to Niles. She had her growing belly supported by a pillow and Niles was rubbing her aching shoulders. "I was really proud of you tonight, the way you stood up for yourself to your brother. It was as if all he could see was the silliness of what you want to do, not that your priorities are changing. It's funny though, your father got it." Niles couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, how about that?"

She looked over her shoulder at her husband. "He was proud of you, too. You know, the two of you may have taken different roads to get there, but somehow you both ended up at the same place."

And in another bedroom a few blocks away, Frasier lay awake with visions of his son at different stages of his childhood appearing before him. He stared at the ceiling wondering if maybe he hadn't missed out on something important.


End file.
